It’s really hard for me to unplug from work, life, everything. I feel like the elapsing of time is working backwards for me, it doesn’t go from beginning to the end, but from end to right now. And it this short window I’ve got to accomplish things that will have an impact for a very long time. I always feel under pressure, because something always happens. When I try to forget about the world boom, a Black person gets killed, war in the Middle-East, corruption from the politicians, another social reform is slashed etc I really wish to depart from this world, but I’m connected to the world. I’m connected to all humans – wish I wasn’t.
The other reason why it’s hard for me to disconnect is that, nothing is real. I mean nothing I do is real, it’s all in my head. I’ve got almost nothing tangible I can show people, they can see my tools, but the ideas, dreams, and even just the music I have in my mind just don’t exist in this world yet. Unlike someone building something I have no proof of the reality of what I’m spending so much time and energy in. I sometimes envy construction workers, farmer, CNMs (Certified Nurse Midwives, that’s a funny name btw) because they can see the result of their works.
I’m sometimes tired of living in an abstract world.
I feel like Yato in the manga Noragami (excellent manga by the way) he is a god that will disappear if people stop thinking about him.
Likewise I feel like I always have got to be “plugged” to my work because I if I stop thinking about my dreams and ideas, they might just disappear,
and nobody will hear about it, and that would be very sad.
But still, it’s time for me to switch off, I even took nap today, believe that?