Take Off,

Mercedes-AMG-GT-Coup1.jpgFor the most part of my life, I had never been interested in cars. I had no interest in going to the gym, or anything that could over-express my masculinity. In the contrary, my friends and I were all some sort of “Eastern intellectuals”, indoor geeks delighting in music and girls. Girls. I think it is important to lay a stress under this word. We were all too afraid to scare women that we would have better traded our masculinity than hurting a girl (who were, especially at that time awfully easy to hurt, for some reason, go figure) . But it was only years later that I discovered that

For a man, his masculinity is his identity.

By the way I’m “manspreading” right now, at the very moment I’m writing this article. I hear it was a controversial term, for a controversial natural posture, but what is natural anymore on this planet? Oops it can spark controversy.

This is bullcrap.

And now that I’m leaving slamming the door from the Matrix, I realize all the time and efforts, money, emotional dollars, and intellectual sweat I poured in trying to please girls.

The reason why most of my friends and I were so almost idolising women is, in my opinion that

We either were all raised by single mother, or that the mother had a predominant role in the family or in the story of the kid.

What I mean by that is death, breakdowns etc. I’m not saying either that the male should dominate like a tyrant in the family but that in the matter of fact, it is not surprizing to see pathologic worship of women from boys whose family didn’t have a balance between father and mother.

Again, it is all about balance.

So we worked hard to be the most unmanly men in order to not scare women off, we were the nicest and compassionate,

The result? They hated us.

To be honest, we were not all nice, but still we tried or best to avoid the most “oppressive” symbols of masculinity. The answer?

“Oh I want a manly men!”

And they went off serving as sex object, getting pregnant and aborting alone, losing jobs and money, partying like zoo animal, aging before the time because of their lifestyle. And then after they’ve collected a whole boatload of baggages and sometimes kids, that they hit the wall full speed head first because they drinks and smoke that they come to saying “Hi Plan B, what about we having kids?” She says that to you who have been working hard to be in the comfortable situation your are in, or working towards it, and most importantly having the mindset, honor, freedom and spiritual elevation that you see fit for the man you wanna be. Your answer is simply

No.

I would never do this before, just saying no. That was something unbelievable to me. If she had a question, doubt, fear, hesitation, insecurity I was there to be the white knight and take the bullet for her.

Screw that.

And it made sense to me, but now I just wonder

Why.

What should I get from that? What did I get from that when I used to do it?

Nothing.

And although I was trying to be the most harmless guy (although I broke some hearts, but what? I should have acted like a prostitute and stay with these girls although I dodged bullets by not staying with girls that would have ended my life with a passionate crime if I don’t wanna have an army of tattooed blue-haired witches coming after me with their logic-defying speeches? Screw that. Screw your tattoos, screw your blue hairs, screw your foul mouths, get yourself some toothpaste for goodness sake!) No seriously what did I get?

I don’t know, but I know what I got when I took off. Freedom.

So now I manspread, again and screw you. I wanna hit the gym, my main answers to women are “No.” and “I DON’T know.” (and screw you also). I think about ME, MY evolution, MY needs, MY desires (and screw you, you’re welcome) But what surprized me the most is my sudden interest in car.

Cars have become the supreme way for me to express my masculinity, my emancipation and my freedom.

My dream car is now the Mercedes AMG GTR, with it I flee from this corrupt word, and go my own way. I’ll work hard for it.

Retake your Freedom,

S-A (Stay Awesome)

PBx

PS: I want the silver Mercedes AMG GTR though.

BCAA

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Once again I made my credit card burn on Amazon for a buy that worthy it, I find. I bought some BCAA pills, not that I’m the bigger gym guy on the planet, but I used it for a particular reason. It helps your body recovering faster after working out

And that’s the selling point, that’s all I care about.

More than appearance, I’m focused on performance.

The BCAA supplement probably acts like a placebo on my brain, but it makes me feels more confident to go all the way because I know that I want be sore, or at least that I will be able to train again the next day.
I don’t do heavy lifting (yet), I’m mostly working on my core, and doing pilates training and a few push-ups along with my dancing.
I find over time that in order to maintain my condition as a dancer I had to concentrate more on my core muscles more than on how my muscles look. In other words

What matter for a dancer is not how you look physically but how you look dancing

And the more I focus on these core muscles, the more they seems to “cement” the integrity of my movements, and the less I actually experience micro injuries.
I think it is crucial. Don’t get me wrong I will eventually be a gym buff (for my not-yet-met female fans) but  I cant go now because I’m not sure if I could be able to afford the increase of food  needed and  the balanced diet required to a proper mass gain. Besides I’m just too poor right now to go to the gym by bus. I can’t go to my local gym people hate me in my neighborhood, I don’t know why. And in the same time you do something different in order to meet different people isn’t it?
So in order to be sure to be in shape to work out everyday and dance I use BCAA pills, I’m really strengthening my core, it doesn’t look impressive but it is actually the very thing that will help me go the distance as a performer.

May it be in my relationship or on stage I always strive for consistency

I might injure myself if I only lift heavy weights, I’d look prettier but would it helps me improve as a performer?
I’ve always been for going to the gym, but for a purpose
The purpose can be anything, from getting more confidence, to health issue, to boosting your physical abilities, but it should never be for your ego

For your confidence, but not for your ego

Again, if you’re asking me whether or not going to the gym will improve my dancing. No doubts. But I have to know how and which muscles to work on as a dancer to not impair my performances.
Buff dancer have become a craze since the 90’s but, the very reason why have always question that is so obvious yet almost mysterious that it might come as a shock. I’ve always been wondering why putting such an emphasize on going to the gym while the greatest dancer of all time, Michael Jackson, never stepped foot in it! He was tall and thin and never had to build up muscles!
The reality is that,

1) Since he’s been performing from his boyhood he didn’t need to build up muscles since these “dancing” muscles had naturally developed with him growing up.
2) I’ve experience myself when I started working out like a madman to fulfil my dream to become a NBA star at 21 (haha that’s a whole other story that I tell you later, but still I’m proud I did this, that was a huge act of faith and it taught me the consistency I’m still applying today) I realized as a was getting weight that I was more explosive, but that I was losing my quickness (and as you know my dancing style is all about quickness) I actually couldn’t dance properly during these time, because I had built other muscles but also because I’ve got to “reset” some part of my body from time to time in order to dance consistently (but again that’s another subject)

But these BCAA pills, how can I say, they help me plunging back in those times when I was alone in the wind, dashing on the gentle slope of motivation to find myself in the deserted basketball court before the sun opened his blazing eyelids.

I can picture perfectly my yellow long-sleeve t-shirt over my turtle neck Under Armor winter “climacool” I think? To keep me warm. I was throwing shots with my frozen hands under the freezing rain, or was it not snowflakes in their childhood?

Or when I was alone in the court with no one to support me and that this place seemed bigger than me, but not big enough to contain my dreams.

It all made me nostalgic, the BCAA and their bland, non-existent taste have become my Proustian memory madeleine.

To sum up

I’ll always take the least impressive path to yield the most impressive results

and

Some things don’t help you doing something, they help you believing  you can do them

Maybe it was all a dream? But that is the effect the BCAA pills have on me.

Enjoy the grind!
Much Love,

 

PBx
PS: It also contains vitamin B6 that play a role for your nerves.

Memory Flower,

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Yesterday for the first time after almost 2 years, I finally just chilled and played video games. It’s not just playing video games that was so healing to me, but simply

the fact of doing nothing dealing with my work and not feel guilty.

That was a first in a long time. I was laying on my bed at an angle that I had never been, and it actually made me disclose a new side of my cupboard-like “room”. That was a thrilling experience. Time flew and after finally completing the mission I was stuck in for months in Hotline Miami 2, I took off bought myself a Brooklyn Lager and ate some fish. That was a great day.

I also had some passionflower tabs, this thing sort of relax me, which is pleasing, but I was expecting it to knock me out. To be knocked down by medication in order to sleep, that is what I needed during my first diagnosed burnout, therefore I thought that it was what I needed now. It wasn’t the case, for I had to dig deep inside of me to find the resource to battle burnouts anywhere, anytime without chemical medication. And this is what I did .

I’d like to say that passionflower has s strange effect on me, it makes my dreams very clear, but not any dreams, the dreams of my past. These pills seems to remove the hazy fog that covered my memories. I wake up realizing that I had erased some people faces, some events and some places from my memory. Or maybe was I thinking about those things every night!

But the agent of repression in my psyche would automatically zap any of my unconscious attempt at remembering the past least I once again fall into the perfumed yet cold arms of Melancholy.

I paused and pondered

Suppressing my past, was it the device I found to keep me moving forward?

I can’t help but wonder. But this pills definitely have had an effect on my memory, that’s why I hereby name them,

Memory Flower.

The funniest thing is that it taste mouldy. Like the face of a haunting ex that you held captive in a memory donjon for centuries.

It has the taste of rotten memories, at least it’s not bitter. How could the sweetest fruit give such a putrid dust, is that after all the real manifestation of “Regret”, this sarcophagus of flavors in the mouth?

I do not know, but at least the opportunity to remember filled my eyes with sugary tears.

So long,

Much Love

PBx

Mental Health,

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I find it crazy and really highly hypocritical that every media and government all over the world right now are talking about mental health after all the things they purposely do to mess up with our heads, mind and psyche.

The list is long : Propaganda, the entertainment industry, GMO, pesticide, food poisoning, sugar dependency, alcohol, drugs, war on drugs, lies for the media, fake news, wars, mass manipulations, collective paranoia, war on terror, wars, division between communities, low salaries, the cost of life, debts (which is the food of the rich) no prospect for the future for neither you or your children, capped salaries based of hours worked that force you to slave away your time and makes your employer control your life, rotational shift (which is, combined with capped minimum salaries, the closest thing to slavery), the infamous burnouts created by the government and corporations, orchestrated mass depression, surveillance States that (it has been proven) damage people mental health since they feel (and are) always observed. Oh and I almost forgot the pharmaceutical industry. And many other thing that, I sure forgot. So basically

The more sedated we are the better it is for them.

However, as they are responsible for he global state of mental health, why would they possibly attract people attention on it, shouldn’t they instead keep it low? Well my dear friend that’s the crux, they only open their big nefarious mouths because they have a plan in the back of their snake heads, and it is called

Normalization.

The madness of this word comes from its semantic itself. The two main meanings of the word normalization are

  1. to normalize, to make something “normal” accepted and common to people.
  2. to nomalize, people by injecting them with drug in order to make them more submissive, obedient, less creative and less inclined to rebel against the established order.

And this is the second meaning of the term that they intend to apply.

As I told you it has always started with the media, the entertainment industry, food, drugs, pills and worse vaccines as well as in the creation of psychological insane concept like the Child King that can’t never be discipline because he/she was right about everything from birth and who inevitably gonna be messed up as a teenager,

but wait! The government has the answer, give some pills to your kids, normalize the crap out of ’em!

Legendary A&R Johm Kalodner said something that really resonated with me (I paraphrase)

“They won’t be any Rock Star in the future because kids are all being normalized.”

Wow! Now that was a shock for me. I sort of sensed it but he just put a nail on the coffin of my little hopes. A few month after, I can’t spend a single day without reading something about mental health, on social media, in newspaper and even in the street!

So what’s the plan? You won’t have the gall to tell me it’s because you have our best interest at heart, that’d be a first. We know what you did, we know what you’ve done, and we know what you’re about to do.

So don’t lie

You’ve been poisoning the very concept of reality by your mere existence. Don’t say you care.

But YOU the people WAKE UP! They don’t care about us, they don’t care about our health because they are the very reason why we are unhealthy to begin with! They don’t want to cure us with their drugs because these drugs are the very poison they want to use to do control us!

Beware, it’s becoming crazy, and we are attacked from every direction,

But I have every all the reasons to believe that they too will think they are becoming crazy when, together and united we will stand against them and gather from all direction.

 

Stay Blessed

Much Love,

 

PBx