BCAA

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Once again I made my credit card burn on Amazon for a buy that worthy it, I find. I bought some BCAA pills, not that I’m the bigger gym guy on the planet, but I used it for a particular reason. It helps your body recovering faster after working out

And that’s the selling point, that’s all I care about.

More than appearance, I’m focused on performance.

The BCAA supplement probably acts like a placebo on my brain, but it makes me feels more confident to go all the way because I know that I want be sore, or at least that I will be able to train again the next day.
I don’t do heavy lifting (yet), I’m mostly working on my core, and doing pilates training and a few push-ups along with my dancing.
I find over time that in order to maintain my condition as a dancer I had to concentrate more on my core muscles more than on how my muscles look. In other words

What matter for a dancer is not how you look physically but how you look dancing

And the more I focus on these core muscles, the more they seems to “cement” the integrity of my movements, and the less I actually experience micro injuries.
I think it is crucial. Don’t get me wrong I will eventually be a gym buff (for my not-yet-met female fans) but  I cant go now because I’m not sure if I could be able to afford the increase of food  needed and  the balanced diet required to a proper mass gain. Besides I’m just too poor right now to go to the gym by bus. I can’t go to my local gym people hate me in my neighborhood, I don’t know why. And in the same time you do something different in order to meet different people isn’t it?
So in order to be sure to be in shape to work out everyday and dance I use BCAA pills, I’m really strengthening my core, it doesn’t look impressive but it is actually the very thing that will help me go the distance as a performer.

May it be in my relationship or on stage I always strive for consistency

I might injure myself if I only lift heavy weights, I’d look prettier but would it helps me improve as a performer?
I’ve always been for going to the gym, but for a purpose
The purpose can be anything, from getting more confidence, to health issue, to boosting your physical abilities, but it should never be for your ego

For your confidence, but not for your ego

Again, if you’re asking me whether or not going to the gym will improve my dancing. No doubts. But I have to know how and which muscles to work on as a dancer to not impair my performances.
Buff dancer have become a craze since the 90’s but, the very reason why have always question that is so obvious yet almost mysterious that it might come as a shock. I’ve always been wondering why putting such an emphasize on going to the gym while the greatest dancer of all time, Michael Jackson, never stepped foot in it! He was tall and thin and never had to build up muscles!
The reality is that,

1) Since he’s been performing from his boyhood he didn’t need to build up muscles since these “dancing” muscles had naturally developed with him growing up.
2) I’ve experience myself when I started working out like a madman to fulfil my dream to become a NBA star at 21 (haha that’s a whole other story that I tell you later, but still I’m proud I did this, that was a huge act of faith and it taught me the consistency I’m still applying today) I realized as a was getting weight that I was more explosive, but that I was losing my quickness (and as you know my dancing style is all about quickness) I actually couldn’t dance properly during these time, because I had built other muscles but also because I’ve got to “reset” some part of my body from time to time in order to dance consistently (but again that’s another subject)

But these BCAA pills, how can I say, they help me plunging back in those times when I was alone in the wind, dashing on the gentle slope of motivation to find myself in the deserted basketball court before the sun opened his blazing eyelids.

I can picture perfectly my yellow long-sleeve t-shirt over my turtle neck Under Armor winter “climacool” I think? To keep me warm. I was throwing shots with my frozen hands under the freezing rain, or was it not snowflakes in their childhood?

Or when I was alone in the court with no one to support me and that this place seemed bigger than me, but not big enough to contain my dreams.

It all made me nostalgic, the BCAA and their bland, non-existent taste have become my Proustian memory madeleine.

To sum up

I’ll always take the least impressive path to yield the most impressive results

and

Some things don’t help you doing something, they help you believing  you can do them

Maybe it was all a dream? But that is the effect the BCAA pills have on me.

Enjoy the grind!
Much Love,

 

PBx
PS: It also contains vitamin B6 that play a role for your nerves.

Loner,

 

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The first time I heard the word loner was in the Walking Dead. I’ve always loved Glenn (Steven Yeun) he is one of my favorite character in the series, and I also love Maggie (Lauren Cohan) very much that’s a great name!

After I learned that word it seems to me that it fitted me perfectly, sometimes more than “lonely” because I’ve never really been lonely I’ve always have had a lot of people around me, but I still felt lonely inside thus my definition,

Lonely = physically alone

Loner= is being alone together

If it makes sense. But people may ask, “why so lonely” ? I found this excerpt on the internet and I think it sums up perfectly my feeling.

“Another theory is aspirational in nature: The smarter you are, the more focused you will be on longer-term goals, and spending time with friends is distracting rather than helpful.

In short, if you’re hanging out with me… you aren’t getting stuff done.”

Jeff Haden

Indeed, I don’t always hang around people because I hate them, but because I love to work on myself more.

I never do anything against people, I do things for me.

Meditate on that,

 

I love you,

PB

Let’s Get Lost

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I first saw this expression was in the majestic movie about the turbulent trumpeter/singer Chet Baker.

I’ve always thought of artists as masters of disobedience.

That’s why I’ve always respected  rebels/heros like Kurt Cobain.

Before coming in England I spent hours watching again and again interviews and documentaries about Michael Jackson, The Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana.

I knew everything about them, not like a creepy fanatic but I could redraw the map of their artistic journey mentally.

I wouldn’t reject the fame, the awards, the show-biz, I’ve got to use all that for my  purpose. But I’ve dreamed so hard about coming somewhere, have nothing set, grab a couple of instruments, a few trustworthy friends, a lot of courage, a lot of guts, a lot of dreams, take the road and just get lost.

Nirvana’s journey was just my dream, not the episode when they beat Michael Jackson on the Billboard charts, but how they started-get your drums, guitars a little bit of instant noodles and clean socks and just go.

That’s the mentality I had when I came to England.  I wanted to meet with some dudes or dudettes, and take off, no care given.

All I met there were politicians guessing their chances.

That’s not a diss against England it’s a global phenomenon people want be the next internet buzz sitting on their sofa, they don’t wanna hit the road and go out there meeting with the People. And I find that a bit crazy it’s a flat lack of love towards the audience, the very people you swore eternal love to (only in your songs though).

So I naively showed up with my 90’s grunge boy mentality.

I hit a wall when I met with the senators and the parliament telling me I needed to have “professionally mixed, produced and mastered”. I had dream of playing sweaty bars where people flip opened  beer can in the air and even woman got mad bears (haha) what d’mean holding your soy latte, “professionally blah blah blah”.

I wanted it all dirty, but they asked me to clean the mix.

Though, well I understand now all tracks have to be ready to be sold. It’s not about the adventure,

It’s about the product, not about the song. But to get the song you’ve got to get the artist and to get the artist you’ve got to get the journey.

That’s what music (crooks) professionals forget. That’s why you can have people with no background, with no personality that just “get offered” hit songs and the music execs only read “hit songs”  they don’t care about the artistry.

But bland artists only leave blank pages in history.

Apart from in Billboard magazine.

Depth comes when you dive deep.

Artists with depth is what we’ll lacking right now,

“People wanna be a rockstar, don’t wanna live a rockstar.”

Bruce Flohr

Those who lack talent or confidence are guessing their chances, while those who commit will enjoy the last dance. Us? Let us us not forget what matters most, let us not be concerned about this sentence “wining or losing”, come comrade let’s get lost.

Love,

PB

Pop,

B.o.B-Nothin’ On You (feat. Bruno Mars)

I sometimes feel like Kurt Cobain, rejecting the Pop world but desperately willing my song to be heard beyond frontiers.
That’s Kurt Cobain’s ambivalence: hating fame as much as he craved for it.
It’s about the same mixed feeling that I got for Pop music.

I think eventually, I’ll become a Pop act.

The lie I say to people is that “my aim is to make my music the new Pop” but what I mean by that no doubt if you ask my shrink is that I wanna become Pop.
Well, I’ll never suffer the fact that in spite of all the people they can reach Pop act don’t convey any message that could improve the condition of humankind. Obviously we need light songs, love songs, breakups songs and so on and so forth, but once offstage people with so much reach should commit to fight for certain causes.

So no, I’m not Pop, never was, never will be, if you think about that side of Pop music.

But…
I like big shows, big promotions, the deep pockets for expensive visuals that last (unlike, all due respect, the amateur videos on YouTube. Some are greet and pleasant to watch, but they don’t last, and how arrogant should you be as a starting artist to think that you can do the job of experienced talented video makers. Likewise you’d find that very arrogant if a filmmaker started to make music for a movie because he bought Logic for $200. Music is an art, and filming is an art as well, you can never beat an experimented filmmaker) professional photos, digital teams etc I like it as a musician, but foremost as a fan.
I’m appealed to anything professional, and when the artist could express everything they want to.
The truth is that I’m forced to acknowledge the effect of Pop music in my life. Pop music changes my life every time I heard a good song, great vocals, or amazing production. Pop music helps me leave my room, it changes my mood,it helps me fight back 

I always feel like Kurt Cobain shyly presenting About A Girl to the rest of the band because it sounded “Pop”

All my life I was listening to Pop songs like Max Martin, who started in a Heavy Metal band has always been studying Pop tracks on the side – he is now the king of Pop worldwide.
I sometimes feel like writing lighter song, but the burden of my mission weighs heavy on my mind. 

The people is suffering, somebody has to speak out for them, but if I don’t do it, who will? The responsibility is huge, but I embrace it with great pride, helping other has become my “raison d’être” my purpose, the only reason why I will.

But deep inside I’ve always been willing to do Pop songs, light things, enjoying life and carelessly let the future take care of itself. Instead of that I have to act, react, train and anticipate, besides I have to feel and understand the pain of each and everyone and fight for all of you. Till I die.
At work they were always playing the same songs, one caught my attention, I shazamed it (soundhounded it to be more precise) and found out that it was a track featuring Bruno Mars, and I hated Bruno Mars, because, I was jealous. You won’t find that type of honesty in most artists. He is now my favorite contemporary Pop artist, after me. And also one of my biggest inspiration. 

Bruno Mars’ vocals on Nothin’ On You saved my career as a singer. These choruses convinced me that I can always do better.

The whole track is a masterpiece, the production is impressive, the rap part is accessible and charming, I hope they won a Grammy for this song, or even more. 
What also really inspired me was the whole progression of Bruno Mars, from being an Elvis impersonator, to getting signed by Motown, working day and night to be introduced to Atlantic Records, grinding with his crew to songwrite constantly, ending up with dimes like Nothin On You and Billionaire, and then just taking off and be constantly good at it.
What conformed me is that, it took years. 
I don’t have to feel bad because it takes time for me, not only to gather the fund, or to know the equipment or my craft,

I takes time for some artists to know who they are.

I told my mum once “I can do anything” what I meant was “I can be anyone” on that’s the danger. That’s why I have to split who I am into several different PB. But also because I haven’t found any “art soulmate” that would complete me as an artist, therefore I’m feeling the gap myself with my own personalities. 
But that’s another subject, shout out to Bruno Mars and his crew

Much love,

PB

Destiny Breakdown,


“Half awake and half dozing, stuck by a drear reality, but still lost

In an inner sea fog of Danaidean dreams

I stand teeth chattering

On Memphis Station, Tennessee.

It is raining.

The night is so desolate and extinguished,
And the rain flays the ground

With a senseless, dark energy.

Everything is clammy and impenetrable.

Why does the train wait here hour after hour?

Why has my lot ground to a halt here? / why has my destiny broken down here?*

Am I to flee from rain and mind-numbingness

In Denmark, India and Japan

Only to be rained in and rot in Memphis

Tennessee, U.S.A.? ” […]
Johannes V. Jensen 

*other possible translation 

 
One of my favorite Scandinavian poem. Although this author was a controversial figure, neither my Scandinavian Literature teacher nor my researches could provide me with a definitive answer on that man. 

I really feel like my destiny has broken down,

 I can see the finishing line at the distance,  everything is going according to plans. But still, I don’t wanna go back to work just to be surrounded by people that don’t understand me or who enjoy exploiting me for the sack of the ones exploiting them, what a shame. My MacBook broke down, and my body as well, it’s hard for me to sleep and it’s hard for me to sing. However, the hardest yards are always the last ones, I’ve got to hold on for I don’t perceive victory, I see it. 

For once the “almost”-sleeping pills I take had an effect on me and I took a nap,

I better fix the engine of my destiny and get go before I snap.
Love

PB

Type Writer,


That’s the way it is, I guess, for some reason I always feel inspired while writing with the Hanx typewriter keyboard. What! Why? Because I wanted. Is it because of the “ancient” feel? Or is it that for a moment I feel like a novelist of the 30’s, alone in a radiant room filled with tabacco smoke, whiskey scent, ashes, dark thoughts and these inaudible whispering fairies, any murmur will do, anything that can distract us from our omnipresent torment, the absence of another heartbeat.

For some reason, again, in this mental “mise en scene” the one thing that catches my attention is this submissive scribe, this eloquent yet silent fellow, the enabler of my dream, the guardian of my whispers. The Typewriter. Type, writer! oh I love you. Maybe it’s the noise, maybe it’s the weight, maybe it’s the sounds, maybe it’s the presence. But there is something in the typewriter I found, that I have never seen even remotely elsewhere. The typewriter is the only object that helps the writer fight loneliness. 

I had dreamed to buy a Macbook to “feel like real writer” like those you see in series with a black cat on their left shoulders and a cup of coffee in their right hand. Always seeming to be writing some autobiographical superfluiteous toast. They always have nice bedroom though. I had this MacBook, and I wrote a book with it. But in spite of all it’s power, and beauty and functionalities, typing my first play on it was a great goal, but a bit cold. I did not feel any kind of support for, have I lost my mind, how could a machine do so? Weren’t MacBooks created for you to show off in Starbucks with the other scarecrows together, so that you feel a little bit lonelier. But you got a cup of coffee, in your right hand, and I think I was just too naive. Naive to believe that I could find some sort of support from that, “tool” but, you oh typewriter, you breathest.

I’ve always liked to create alone, but with someone watching that I was creating alone. Does it make sense? 

I don’t know. Since Paul Auster‘s New York Trilogy, everything has changed for me. Or I should better say, everything makes sense for me. One of my favorite short-story, Ghost relates the story of Mr. Blues hired to spy on Mr. Black. And you should stop here if you don’t want me to spoil the end for you. 

Basicaly, Mr. Blue was hired by Mr. Black himself to be able to write a story. I guess you’ve understood by now. 

I am Mr. Black. And you are Mr. Blue.

But unless you use shrewd plans and trickery, it is impossible to find a willing Mr. Blue. For you have to be submissive to be like him, and listen. While people want to dominate and exalt themselves, to go where? The other day, I asked them “to go where?” none of them them could provide me with a decent answer and they went back home silent, confused and their heads low. 
It’s like, when I move in my first flat alone, my mum told me to get a TV because, it creates the illusion of some sort of a “presence” when you are alone in your room.
Likewise the type machine provides with a sense of companionship nowhere to be found in any other inanimated object. This is why I love you so.

You’ll ask me, have you ever had a type machine. No, why asking?
Thanks
I love you,
PB

Open-Hearted,

Rae Morris – Walls

“This Walls, they fall.”

After posting my first article on my blog I’ve been struck  by how fast people had responded to it, but foremost I went myself as way to thank them on their respective blogs to discover to my great amazement that people were actually pouring they hearts out when I knew nothing about.
We are all caged in this heartless society, so much that I became too colder and colder, even as and artist I grew tired of always being exposed and vulnerable, while people barely share with you what they ate for breakfast. Especially at work, the corporate paradigm chokes the heart, the corporate paradigm chokes art. I thought was the last one who was talking about his feelings, I thought I was the last one with emotions.

What is really interesting in our society is that everyone enjoy faking they are emotional.Yet that only occurs for accidents, deaths, or surprisingly enough, for music or series, while they hearts are closed facing the human misery in front of their eyes on a daily basis, when it’s broadcasted on national  TV or played on Spotify, all a sudden everyone should cry, as though we enter the era of programmed emotionality. And conversely when you are talking about your own emotion not as a group, but as a feeling creature, you are considered as a pariah, and friends and family just don’t wanna hear of it.

Therefore it was with great relief and bliss that I entered the blogosphere to only understand that people were talking about their feeling way before me, and that they were way ahead of me. I, thus spurred by this true love for the reader I make a commitment unto you, my fiend, my love, my kohai, my child. I too shall be open-hearted on everything that travels my heart, it a blog not longer, but a gate to my inner-self.

love

PB
PS: Walls is my favorite song of Rae Morris, but as often after your major debut, germs go missing along the way.