Alone

Sorry.

It’s been a long time, I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I sort of physically fell down a downward storm that crushed everything inside me but my body, although I feel it in my bones, something has died in me. It’s funny, it’s the first time I write like this, like I’m really lonely, like I’m really alone. Before? Before I was lying, I was saying “oh Lord, I’m so lonely!” But deep in my heart I still knew that someone was listening.

I was still waiting for someone to come to my rescue and hold my hand and hand me her heart and heal me in the end.

But that was a fallacy. Not only on the sentimental perspective, but even in the realm of comradery. Comradery?

Bullcrap.

You’ve got to realize that no one loves you, and that no one wants you here, or else them too would be penpalling with the stars in longing for an answer. No they don’t. They go about they lives. Pay their taxes, have kids, divorce, then die. That little glow was still very alive within me until that day when I said,

stop, I don’t need you to commit suicide.

And I died, I died to this world, that had never acknowledged me. I died from society and I drifted away not really knowing where to go. I killed that persona, filled to the brim with false hopes, charades and fairy tales, that the grand fakers narrated me time and time again. This is disgusting. Now I know that I am really alone, and that I can’t count on no one,

in three decades maybe they’d dissect my decadence. As usual art critics danse one death too late.

And I’m gone, who can even catch me after I evaporated and bring me back to the pen.

“Personne”, which in French means someone and, nobody.

It’s hilarious, you should laugh, this is what people do when someone dies, they one day smile, then cry, cry, then smile, then die. And people will do the same for them, until there’s no one left.

This man would be the freest man in the history of mankind, he would at length breathe the fresh  air of liberty, before killing himself in his turn. And what did I spoke of a last man instead of a last woman? Well take a walk plebeian.

 

Love (or something like that)

PBx

Gentrification,

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Gentrification is both a very logical social, cultural and economic phenomenon yet a very head-scratching one in the same time. The Middle and the Upper class, whose goal in society is to always look richer (to the point  debts  to look better off), are also the ones wearing jeans with tears, entering charity shop after people living in homeless refuges got out, or living in former poor part of the town because it is “fashionable” 

And that is the problem, living in those area isn’t an end in itself for them, that gentrification is so unethical. Gentrification although it is the coming of richer people in poorer neighbourhood is actually the culprit in the cultural impoverishment of those very neighborhoods. Today I will talk about how gentrification affects musicians and music-related subjects and answer to how gentrification will and has jeopadized music as a whole.

Let’s get back to the beginning, starving artists dreaming to live off their music can’t afford anything but a shotgun shack in a ghetto. Their impact over time benefits the neighbourhood which gets culturally richer and richer. Until rich investors seize the opportunity to sell businesses, houses and apartments to richer people.

Why their mere presence would be enough to degrade the cultural life of a place? Because it is a parasitic process. They just here to consume, they do not take a role in the cultural thriving of an area. They basically bestow themselves the right to stay in an artistic place not by adding anything to it, but in the contrary by consuming it

And like any consumer they expect a sort of “customer service” for a party they were not invited in to begin with. This is when new comers start complaining about the noise, and many bars and clubs have suffered from this. To be more precise the gentry has forced many bars and clubs to shut down while no one asked them to come there in the first place. This issue is so alarming for the future of music business as a whole since – now that everyone can make music on their laptop, the competition has never been so tough, however the former music business used to sign A LOT of artists because they had the money. Nowadays due to the illegal downloads crave, the iPod generation and the now streaming “revolution” the funds are nowhere near the deep pockets major labels used to have. The biggest and most alarming consequence is that people have started become more and more political, and started guessing their chances. By doing so they have ended up only signing artists that sounds and look like the last charting hits. Hence the feeling of repetition we’ve felt since the 10’s but really since the late 00’s. It’s the Pop loop. Everyone sounds the same and the whole world is happy. 

Conversely the live business has never been so thriving, BUT mostly for the big names. The problem now is, if label only signs copy-cat, how to get discovered? You guessed it, live shows. But how do I get to do live shows if the gentrification caused many clubs to close? You guessed it we are stuck.

The problem is so widespread in Europe and America that it can almost be called an epidemics.

Gentrification not only forces people to leave, but it also prevents people from living. One of the most important thing to engrave in one’s heart is that, artist moving to a ghetto to live off their art isn’t a choice, that’s a necessity. I repeat, artists have not chosen to be there, they were forced to because they are broke. And that’s the irony of it. Some people because it was “fun”, because it was “fashionable” decided to come in a neighbourhood they used to despise, invade it, impoverish the culture, have cultural hubs closed, and make the cost of living in this area go up. Their mere presence brings down the quality of life others. Now that the prices are up, people are forced to live in smaller tighter places, which will eventually damage the music business entirely. 

For instance if you want a rock drummer, you need space to rehearse every day, and you need your own space to train without bothering others. Thus gentrification will result to the extinction of certain type of musicians and even to the (many times) most important one, the singer.

As a singer, you need space. You need to be able to train everyday without always have to worry about one of your seven roommates who always seems to never work but can still mystically pay the rent. Knowing that there is always someone there can prevent you to do all your weirdest vocal exercises like the infamous “nay, nay, nay, nay, nay, nay nay, nay, nay” used as a way to strengthen your vocal chords, or worse it forces you to squeeze your vocal chords to sound quieter or to whisper which is the BEST way to damage your voice without noticing it. If you survived this embarrassing moments, you will probably not push as far as singing your own songs at full-power, which is the way you go on stage unprepared, you suck , you make no money, you go back to your ex-poor neighborhood which is now expensive. Happy life. At least you can get some comfort food, WRONG! As you know your diet is crucial for a singer but since the price of your neighbourhood went up thanks to gentrification, you can’t afford to pay for your groceries and this slows down a little bit more your progression in your career.

Other trends will surely crash with a huge bang due to the gentrification. The vinyls, the new “old” trends in hipster and the gentry. There is no way this trend could last over time because,

There is a mismatch between the real estate market and the vinyl market.

In other words. Vinyls that are flourishing in artist corners, take a lot of space. And the prices of housing is a lot more expensive, which results in people living in smaller houses (bye bye drummers), in collocation (bye singers) and in cubicles that can only contain one human being, and maybe a bed, sometimes (bye vinyls). 

But on the other hand, the gentry loves vinyls while contributing to their destruction, since less and less people will be able to make the choice of buying and be reasonable and the renting space of the music store will just eventually choke the owners. That’s the contraction of gentrification, it kills the really thing it came to enjoy. Exactly like a parasite. But parasite are smart enough make you unaware of their presence, while the gentry allegedly publicly violates everything that made the soul of a place. Therefore how could I designate them? They look like kids that after they play with their toy dispose of it, disregarding the chaos they brought. Gentrification really comes from an infant-like mentality but it carries something else.

Indeed, the most accurate term for gentrification is a “spacial and cultural modern colonialism” when people appropriate themselves of a culture and a space, drain its life and then sell it for profit. It is purely immoral, unethical and despicable.

You really have to be either a parasite, of a kid or a colonist (which is by the way an insult) to partake in this. 

To go further, gentrification can be seen as I said as a cultural, social and economic phenomenon, but to take part in this you have to be a bit deranged, as for me gentrification is a pathology. When child-like, greedy and egocentric parasites try to verify if the grass is greener elsewhere by ripping off everything of this place you know someone has some mental issues. And that’s not ok, Im calling them out. People have to stop accepting everything on the ground of the fact that they have got money. But I wonder if it is not the fact of violating a place they do not belong to that they enjoy instead of the pleasure of living there actually since, when they come, life goes away and they never seem to notice it until they sell it, for a more “fashionable” place. Does that provide them with excitement? Do they feel a certain pleasure by invading a place?I do wonder, it does not make much sense to me, all I know I that for the cultural benefit of our civilisation we need artists, but as, I quote, Mike Skinner of The Streets said, “geezers need excitement”.

Let’s Get Lost

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I first saw this expression was in the majestic movie about the turbulent trumpeter/singer Chet Baker.

I’ve always thought of artists as masters of disobedience.

That’s why I’ve always respected  rebels/heros like Kurt Cobain.

Before coming in England I spent hours watching again and again interviews and documentaries about Michael Jackson, The Smashing Pumpkins and Nirvana.

I knew everything about them, not like a creepy fanatic but I could redraw the map of their artistic journey mentally.

I wouldn’t reject the fame, the awards, the show-biz, I’ve got to use all that for my  purpose. But I’ve dreamed so hard about coming somewhere, have nothing set, grab a couple of instruments, a few trustworthy friends, a lot of courage, a lot of guts, a lot of dreams, take the road and just get lost.

Nirvana’s journey was just my dream, not the episode when they beat Michael Jackson on the Billboard charts, but how they started-get your drums, guitars a little bit of instant noodles and clean socks and just go.

That’s the mentality I had when I came to England.  I wanted to meet with some dudes or dudettes, and take off, no care given.

All I met there were politicians guessing their chances.

That’s not a diss against England it’s a global phenomenon people want be the next internet buzz sitting on their sofa, they don’t wanna hit the road and go out there meeting with the People. And I find that a bit crazy it’s a flat lack of love towards the audience, the very people you swore eternal love to (only in your songs though).

So I naively showed up with my 90’s grunge boy mentality.

I hit a wall when I met with the senators and the parliament telling me I needed to have “professionally mixed, produced and mastered”. I had dream of playing sweaty bars where people flip opened  beer can in the air and even woman got mad bears (haha) what d’mean holding your soy latte, “professionally blah blah blah”.

I wanted it all dirty, but they asked me to clean the mix.

Though, well I understand now all tracks have to be ready to be sold. It’s not about the adventure,

It’s about the product, not about the song. But to get the song you’ve got to get the artist and to get the artist you’ve got to get the journey.

That’s what music (crooks) professionals forget. That’s why you can have people with no background, with no personality that just “get offered” hit songs and the music execs only read “hit songs”  they don’t care about the artistry.

But bland artists only leave blank pages in history.

Apart from in Billboard magazine.

Depth comes when you dive deep.

Artists with depth is what we’ll lacking right now,

“People wanna be a rockstar, don’t wanna live a rockstar.”

Bruce Flohr

Those who lack talent or confidence are guessing their chances, while those who commit will enjoy the last dance. Us? Let us us not forget what matters most, let us not be concerned about this sentence “wining or losing”, come comrade let’s get lost.

Love,

PB

Unplug,


It’s really hard for me to unplug from work, life, everything. I feel like the elapsing of time is working backwards for me, it doesn’t go from beginning to the end, but from end to right now. And it this short window I’ve got to accomplish things that will have an impact for a very long time. I always feel under pressure, because something always happens. When I try to forget about the world boom, a Black person gets killed, war in the Middle-East, corruption from the politicians, another social reform is slashed etc I really wish to depart from this world, but I’m connected to the world. I’m connected to all humans –  wish I wasn’t. 

The other reason why it’s hard for me to disconnect is that, nothing is real. I mean nothing I do is real, it’s all in my head. I’ve got almost nothing tangible I can show people, they can see my tools, but the ideas, dreams, and even just the music I have in my mind just don’t exist in this world yet. Unlike someone building something I have no proof of the reality of what I’m spending so much time and energy in. I sometimes envy construction workers, farmer, CNMs (Certified Nurse Midwives, that’s a funny name btw) because  they can see the result of their works.

I’m sometimes tired of living in an abstract world.

I feel like Yato in the manga Noragami (excellent manga by the way) he is a god that will disappear if people stop thinking about him.

Likewise I feel like I always have got to be “plugged” to my work because I if I stop thinking about my dreams and ideas, they might just disappear,

and nobody will hear about it, and that would be very sad.

But still, it’s time for me to switch off, I even took nap today, believe that?

Love

PB

Lonelines,

Artists worst enemy is loneliness most of the time. What baffles the most is the discrepancy between how much people claim to love art and how little consideration they have for people with an artistic type of personality.
To go straight to the point I’ve been mocked and disrespected every time I told people that I was an artist. Especially at work. If you disclose that to and live and an artist (I mean by that living the lifestyle of an artist not necessarily living off art) people just despise you while crying listening to Céline Dion, banging they head over System of Down or cruising on a Charlie Parker song. You might tell me that they’ve got nothing in common? Wrong. They are all artists. And that’s the fact, artist are so despised (unless they succeed) that 

I pretty sure that whatever artist you worship and stalk on social media, had you met in highschool or at work you wouldn’t be friends.

And that’s the thing, people hate artists they say we’re arrogant, lazy, we should get real jobs, etc man I can expend on that and I’ll do it on another post. But we are resented because we dare to dream, but I think what people reproach us the most is to “strick out” and I you think that close your browser window because I’m about to slam you against the kitchen sink. Sticking out? Who sticks out in this world?

On a planet where each tree, and I did not stutter each tree is unique how much more each human beings with their contingencies of their lives should be unique. 

Some other people stick out because you want to look like everyone else, and in a world where everyone want to fit the mould being oneself is regarded as a revolutionary act of rebellion

So basically, by being yourself you should automatically stick out, but, you’re a sheep and you’re resenting because I’m simply me while you’re a copycat?

 Well hate all you want, being unique is just to be you, sucker.
I’m out,

PB

PS: with love