True Hero,

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After I emptied the battery of my PS Vita playing to Persona 4 Golden (I’m stuck against Kanji-kun‘s Shadow, shameful!) out, I thought to myself, “Well, it’s late I should right something, yet why do I even care about apologising about my articles when I’m late, nobody checks anyway”? Well, that’s the thing dude. I recalled Naruto I told myself,

You’ve got to lead, even if no one is following you yet.

Naruto is my favorite character of all time (top 3 no doubt) he  was despised for years in his village because he had sealed within himself a fox-demon with nine tails that wreaked havoc and killed loved ones of the villagers.

I feel very close to him.

He had to fight alone, train alone, believe alone, dream alone, motivate himself alone yet,

His goal was to become the greatest, to be recognized but foremost to take care of everyone. Eventually he became a hero, a savior, a leader.

Lead even if no one is following you yet. Lead with your ideas, with your work ethic, with your honesty, with you vision.

Inspire people.

Love them like I Love you,

PB

Speech,

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I spent so many time almost screaming in the noisy environment that is, the bar I work in (for the time being) that I started to whisper once on vacations. The consequence of this is that I started to speak to high for range and to misuse my voice, which eventually damaged my singing voice.

Your speaking voice influences your speaking voice.

I’ve had problems with my speech since mid-school, there my schoolmate would listen to all my jokes but never to what I was thinking. I really had a short window for delivering fast everything I had to say, so I started to speak really fast and would trip on each word, since the attention span of my audience was so short I had to find the exact word each time if I wanted to accurately express what I had in mind (that was a long sentence).

After learning how to sing I had to relearn how to speak.

Which was my salvation I could finally regain my eloquence without jeopardizing my singing voice in any way. And there is a certain satisfaction in speaking exactly the way you think you speak (if it makes sense) I can express loud (or loud enough) what I have in mind in the tangible sonic world which is ours (I’m use a lot “which” today).

I guess not being able to express what I wanted pushed me towards becoming a full-time songwriter after being a bass player. Expressing my thoughts through songs I created and actually singing my thoughts was one of my first motives for songwriting. I realize 10 years down the line.

I don’t really acticulate when I speak (well I plain don’t articulate) but I’m ready to exaggerate when I sing,┬áisn’t it revealing.

To sum up, your speech is really important, you way find ways to express yourself without expressing yourself, however they will still be a time when you will have to have your voice heard. Take the time to solve your problem, to trace back when you’ve started to have issues with your speak.

Reach out for help, take care of yourself and heal yourself.

Speak out

 

Much Love,

PB

New York,

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I don’t really want to New York anymore, I don’t really wanna go to the USA anymore.

The whole dream which has been free falling in my heart has finally hit the ground. From the true face of America with the institutionalised (and widely tolerated) racism, social reforms slaughter, the demonic inhuman all-powerful banking system, debts enslavement, the federal reserve immoral vampirism, the sovereign military-industrial complex, real estate cannibalism, the systemic pharmaceutical poisoning, death squads, a devilish mediacracy, the omnipresence of entertainment, disguised genocides? anyone? etc

It makes the United States of America the worst country on Earth.

But, still, I love America.

I love its ideas, writers, thinkers, spirit, energy. I love the first intend of the constitution, and I love the idea of liberty and democracy.

I doesn’t exist in America right now.

However I love these concepts and all those who defend them. We might not see that right now, and many of these big ideas has been thrown to the crowd to gain votes, they don’t exist in reality. BUT, although they come from lies, we can make them become reality,

We can make it happen.

Believe, learn and fight.

 

You’ve got all my love.

PB

 

Wasted Day,

Brighton, UK.

I never thought that depression could be something physical.

I’ve been so many times throughout my life in and out of depression that I became quite insensitive to other psychic pains. I thought if I could get over it, so can you. But that was before I couldn’t move for three days because of depression.
Once again I’ve been so depressed so many times that, getting back up has become a habit. Besides, and no one can disagree with me, the road to recovery starts with the right mindset. It’s like athletes who have been through injuries so many times that they exactly know in which mental and physical state they should put themselves to optimize their recovery. 
That was my take on it before, I experienced a total breakdown in Brighton, UK, that incapacitated me for three days.

I couldn’t believe it, me a “depression veteran” being beaten so badly by it? I think there might be so sort of limit to the the number of depressions you can have in one life. Firstly it attacks the mind but if you survive, you’re in the green, however if you use that trick too much, it then shuts you body down. And that’s how I felt

A total body shut down.
It’s weird, when both your body and mind collapse at the same time, you feel like you’ve reach 

The End of you existence.

It’s only because you still perceive the elapsing of time that you can think, “maybe later, I’ll feel better.” But

It really felt like the end of me.

How naive of me, haven’t I already witnessed that for the first time as a kid.
I remember my mother bed-ridden due to depression, I was 3 since my brother was still a toddler. My father wasn’t there. I don’t know how we survived, according to the legend we ate flour. I remember my mother in bed, and I remember in which cupboard my parents kept the flour, but I don’t have any recollection of me actually eating flour. That was my first Hunger story. But the thinking about that makes me very worried for my brother, how did we survive? He is tall and healthy now, but it’s probably a blessing that I did not understand how desperate the situation was. After three days my father came back I heard.

 Throughout my life, all I’ve seen is pain.

It’s probably why I’ve developed such deep sense of empathy. 

Feeling things has perhaps even become a sort of 6th sense for me.

But nobody could sense what I feel. 
Wasted days? I’ve known many of them, but even during “wasted days” I try to be productive. Create a little if mind my is ready for it, read a little, and imagining things, a lot, I guess imagination is the only thing you’ve got left when you’re down. But foremost, those days never last for long, they always end. So I’ve always got hoped for the future. Foremost if you are still honest with yourself you shouldn’t be ashamed of these days when you feel down, lonely in room your room. Because actually,

Lonely days when you feel down are often the best opportunity to reconnect with yourself.

Life is so fast, so loud, there is always noise, smell, people talking and interfering between you and your family, your lover and even between you and yourself. It’s always about going fast, do this, do that, no time to take a break when you’re healthy but when you’re down you are forced to halt. And somehow it’s a good thing.

Don’t be ashamed, but take heart tomorrow will be a better day.

The thing is, don’t dwell in depression like many people I met. I don’t know if it’s s true proverb but in Man Vs. Wild I heard this quote coming according to my memory form Iceland

If you are out in the snow, and you’re cold, sit down for five minute, and you’ll be even colder.

 GET UP.

The thing is not to be ashamed of falling down, but to be proud of yourself when shining you look back and say “I was right to get back up”.
Never be ashamed of your weaknesses, we are human. But take proud in your ability to get back up and shine.
I love you my friend 
Stay safe
PB